so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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