Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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