I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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