He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
