Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
