I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
