i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
