I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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