is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
