I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Do vagina's smell?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
