No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
