when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
