I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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