There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
