If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
