Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
