I hope mine doesn't look like that
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
