We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
