The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
