Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
