I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
