Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
