I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
