Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I checked into jail on foursquare
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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