he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
