all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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