My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
