oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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