I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
