Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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