The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
