After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
