i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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