my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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