I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
