dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
