At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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