separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
