I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
