A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
