i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
