She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
