No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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