How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
