It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
