The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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