Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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