Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
why do cheetos always look like penises
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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