Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
