I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
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