So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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