I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Floor bacon is actually really good
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
