they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I want you more than these girls want KFC
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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