I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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