I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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