I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize