at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
