You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
