didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
