Non-Jews are for practice
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
