That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
