Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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