he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
