finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm always down for nudity.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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