I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
then he tried to convert me to islam
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
