You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
