2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
